


all jeno and jaemin want is sex, that's it

by myhopeandangel



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Banter, Blow Jobs, Bottom Lee Jeno, Drabble Collection, Feelings, Kitchen Sex, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Recreational Drug Use, Sexy Times, Smut, Top Na Jaemin, i just wanted more bottom jeno love, jaemjen - Freeform, some hint of a plot somewhere for some chapters, tags to be updated accordingly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:07:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 7,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24091075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myhopeandangel/pseuds/myhopeandangel
Summary: All Jeno and Jaemin wants is to have sex.And well, maybe more than that.A drabble collection of such scenarios and more (of other scenarios).16. another lesson17. tug and push18. when we first met19. nothing without you20. here in your armsAnd that's the end!
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 42
Kudos: 184





	1. Shut up, Jeno

**Author's Note:**

> more jeno content more jeno content
> 
> also i wrote this: [A Vampire and His Client](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24251500)  
> and this [The Devil's Praises](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24320245)

“Shut up, Jeno,” Jaemin heaves. The room spins around him but the only thing he can see is Jeno above him. “You don’t usually talk so much.”

Peering down through his long fringe, Jeno smiles cheekily. He knows the effect he has on him, this bastard. Their bodies are sticky with sweat but they wear it like a badge of honour. In one swift maneuver, Jaemin flips their position. 

Jeno still has that annoying grin on his face as he gets manhandled, like he knows he has the upper hand no matter what Jaemin tries. It’s exasperating and Jaemin just wants to wipe it off.

“But you like my voice.” Jeno blinks up at him innocently. 

He reaches his hand over to grasp Jaemin’s, entwining their hands together before pressing his soft lips to it. What a fucking devil. The mole under his right eye makes it even harder to look away from his teasing expression, and he knows it. 

Jaemin tugs away to Jeno’s visible dismay, but it all changes when Jaemin throws Jeno’s legs over his shoulder. There’s a yelp of surprise from Jeno but that’s exactly what he needs right now. Without this change of pace, Jaemin knows Jeno won’t stop acting like the brat he is. 

“Shut up, Jeno.”

Jeno’s breathing has gotten heavier, yet he insists on making things hard for himself. He tilts his head in question. “And if I don’t?”

_You’ll regret it._

Jaemin leans forward till his hair is brushing against Jeno’s chest. The forward motion causes Jeno to gasp a little, twisting his face into a delightful blend of arousal and shock. Peering up at Jeno with the same innocent expression, oh sweet revenge, Jaemin eyes him with intent as he licks a stripe up Jeno’s pert nipple. 

The squeak of surprise from Jeno doesn’t faze Jaemin. It’s the exact reaction he expected when he played his card.

“Then I’ll pull out.”

“...fuck you.”

Jaemin leans back up with a sweet smile that he knows will get on Jeno's nerves. “More like fuck you.”

Groaning, Jeno throws a pillow at Jaemin. “Shut up.”

“You first~” Jaemin sings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one’s less sex and more banter


	2. birthday boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yeah just jeno having fun teasing jaemin, the birthday boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls populate the bottom jeno tag i beg
> 
> also, here is my [13k word non-explicit jaemjen fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24057370) if ur into that

“Stop, Jen. I’m gonna come.”

Jeno doesn’t stop. Not that Jaemin’s words have ever had much impact on him in the first place. Jeno just does what he wants, anytime, anywhere.

It certainly doesn’t help that they’re currently hiding in the dressing room. Jaemin swears he has the door locked already, but his heart just won’t quit. Apparently, so does Jeno. 

Not wanting to quit, that is.

Jeno moves his tongue expertly, licking up the underside of Jaemin’s cock in one teasing stripe before engulfing it all in his mouth. As much as he can try, anyway, before triggering his gag reflex.

It’s all heat and flirt, the way Jeno eyes Jaemin as he does so, bobbing his head as he takes Jaemin all the way. The sloppy way Jeno sucks makes squelching noises that echoes through Jaemin’s ears.

Jeno’s tongue swirls around the head in just the right angle, sucking at it like it’s his lollipop. The way he pulls off and goes back is so erotic, it takes Jaemin all his willpower to hold himself back from fucking Jeno right in the face.

When Jaemin feels the barest hint of teeth, it serves as a reminder that Jeno has Jaemin in his hands whether he likes it or not.

Jeno has plans, and one of them happens to be to make things hard for Jaemin.

Never mind others barging in on them, Jaemin’s already sure the others know they’re fucking anyway. But Jaemin sure as hell doesn’t want to give Jeno the satisfaction of getting away with anything and everything.

Gripping Jeno’s head with his hair, Jaemin stops Jeno midway. Jeno parts his lips wide before giving his dick one last lick. It’s a game neither of them wants to lose. 

And though the heat of his mouth is something Jaemin will miss, the thought of Jeno’s ass gives his dick an interested twitch. Jeno smiles through the crescents of his eye, innocent expression and all. The devil in disguise is what he is.

No matter what Jaemin does, Jeno wants it all. 

He’s insatiable and incorrigible.

Batting his eyelashes sweetly, Jeno asks, “What’s wrong, Nana?”

Jaemin pushes him onto the couch, face down. “Your blowjob sucks.”

“That’s the point.” Jeno’s voice is muffled as he laughs, but Jaemin can hear the way he whines petulantly. “At least my ass is good, though. Right?”

Jaemin pretends to think about it for a moment before giving Jeno’s ass a good jiggle. “Hmm… we’ll see.”

Jeno arches his back in a way that gives Jaemin a good view, turning his face up to look at Jaemin with a flirtatious grin. He’s in nothing but a rolled up shirt, and damn if he doesn’t look like a snack. Just when did Jeno get so good at this?

“That’s all for today, birthday boy.”

Jaemin thinks he might die. Jeno isn’t even going to let him finish.

Pinching Jeno’s perky ass, Jaemin mutters in dismay. “Then why’d you take your pants off, bastard?”

Jeno breaks into a wide goofy smile, pressing a stupidly soft kiss into Jaemin’s thigh.

“I have a little show for you, Nana.”

And that’s the first time Jaemin realises just how whipped he is for Jeno.

Flipping their positions around, Jeno starts to crawl into Jaemin’s lap ever so slowly. He runs his hands down his body, muscle, abs and all, like he’s putting on a show for Jaemin.

After teasing Jaemin enough, Jeno’s hands come to rest at the base of his cock, and it’s already leaking. With a swipe of his thumb, Jeno spreads it into his hand. He wraps his hand around his leaking cock, flicking his hand in up motions as he grinds his ass on Jaemin’s sullied lap.

Jaemin just wants to eat him already.

“You’re so sly, Jen.”

Jeno’s eyes crinkle at that. Taking Jaemin’s hand in his, he guides them to his pretty cock, letting Jaemin stroke it with him in tandem. It nearly drives Jaemin insane. 

Their breathing deepens with harsher pants and moans, and Jeno shuffles forward till his dick touches Jaemin’s, who twitches in response.

Tilting his head down, Jeno touches Jaemin’s sweaty forehead with his own. And if Jaemin doesn’t come from Jeno’s touch, he thinks he could come from his gaze alone. 

“Nana,” Jeno whispers. His lips are red and swollen from overuse. “Let’s come together.”

And so they did, come spurting all over each other’s stomach and chest. Jeno’s body relaxes the moment it’s over, collapsing into Jaemin’s arm as they both collect themselves.

Jaemin breaks the silence first. 

“What the fuck, Lee Jeno.”

Jeno has the gall to smile at him from his spot on Jaemin’s shoulder, like he knows it’s all because of him. 

Jeno: 1

Jaemin: 0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i actually dk how many words count as a drabble. this had 800.


	3. it's your fault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jeno's tied up and tired. jaemin is not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is really short. i was inspired to write this after reading smth i wished i never read.

If there was a time Jeno had ever thought of killing Jaemin, it would be now.

Jaemin has that infuriating smirk playing on his lips as his hands hold the base of Jeno’s bare hips, fingers grazing ever so lightly, tracing circles into his skin in a way that drives Jeno over the edge.

Gritting his teeth in annoyance, Jeno tries to get a hit on Jaemin’s head, who only laughs at his futile attempt. 

“At least dodge it, you bastard,” Jeno mutters exasperatedly. His arms are getting tired.

Jaemin laughs that annoying pretty laughter again, a full blown grin on display. “What for? You wouldn’t hit this pretty face.”

Slotting himself further into the space between Jeno’s thighs, Jaemin tilts his head up to meet Jeno’s eyes, an insolent smile on his—yeah—stupidly pretty face. 

“Besides—” Reaching up to tug at the cotton rope, Jaemin leans in till all Jeno can see is his irritatingly smug face. “—you can’t move well with this here.”

“And just whose fault is that?” Jeno huffs.

The heel Jeno has on Jaemin’s back digs further in, hoping to break the infuriating glee he spots. All it does is egg Jaemin on.

With Jaemin’s breath ghosting over the shell of his ear, Jeno hears him whisper.

“Of course it’s yours.”


	4. You’re not going out in that outfit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaemin has terrible taste in pants. Jeno is there to help him out (of it).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo guys I’m dead tired right now but I had this ready to go so yay

“You’re not going out in that outfit, Na Jaemin.”

Jaemin cocks an eyebrow. “And why not?”

“You look like a fucking banana, you blind bat.” Jeno tugs at Jaemin’s yellow pants, wrinkling his nose at the design. It’s a horrid bright yellow. If Jeno doesn’t doesn’t stop him now, he’s absolutely sure Jaemin is going to regret it later.

Jaemin swats Jeno’s hands away with an exaggerated ‘no, no, no’ and a sly grin forms on his face. Jeno knows something is up, but nothing could prepare him for this.

“At least I don’t suck toes.”

Jeno’s rapidly reddening face betrays his words. “I  _ do not _ suck toes.”

“But last night—”

“Shut the fuck up, Na Jaemin,” Jeno hisses, jabbing a finger at him. “You liked it too.”

It’s not his fault for getting all caught up in the mood. Jeno’s face just happened to be next to Jaemin’s feet and things happened, alright? 

Jaemin quirks his lips up into a self-satisfied smile. He brushes his thumb across Jeno’s lips teasingly, staring him down as he does so. 

“Too, huh. So you admit it?”

Jeno tries to bite Jaemin’s finger, but damn if he doesn’t move fast. It causes Jaemin to laugh again. Typical Jaemin, he’s just going to ignore what he doesn’t want to hear.

With one hand on his waist, Jaemin pulls Jeno flush against him, eyes twinkling in wicked mischief.

“And now you want to suck on my fingers? Jeno, you naughty boy.”

Memories of the night before starts playing in his head. Jeno shuts them down immediately. No way is he going to give Jaemin the upper hand here.

But if there’s one thing Jeno knows, it’s that Jaemin is sly and Jaemin is sneaky.

With one final brush of Jaemin’s thumb, the gap between them closes in an instant, with the only sound between them being the clanking of teeth and rumple of clothes. 

Yeah, Jaemin is so not going out in these yellow pants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope yall enjoyed!


	5. that's not what i meant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jaemin might have mentioned it once or twice casually. he certainly didn't expect jeno to consider it. and truthfully, jaemin doesn't think jeno knows what it really means either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im trying lol
> 
> anyway idk how many ppl actually read this but if u want a 13k word fluff-angst???? written by yours truly, [click here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24057370)

“Jeno, you know that’s not edible, right...?” 

Jeno only smiles back, though he doesn’t stop trying to put the fake corn in his mouth. Jaemin wishes he doesn’t know why he’s doing it, but he does, and so he wishes to drown himself in his pathetic flood of shame.

“What’s wrong, Jaeminie?” Jeno asks sweetly. His hands start playing with the glossy toy suggestively. Jaemin wants to hit himself for having ever brought this up. When Jeno sees an opportunity, he only knows how to go straight for it.

“Didn’t you say you wanted to try some food play?” Jeno licks his lips teasingly. 

The hypothetical grip Jeno has on him is an iron-tight one and he knows it well. And as if Jaemin’s pants weren’t tight enough to begin with, Jeno dares to dart his tongue out, giving the head of the corn a few kitten licks for good measure.

The devil may work hard, but Jeno works harder. 

“Lee Jeno — ” Jaemin’s fists is white and numb from clenching too hard. 

Jeno perks up at his name, smiling till his eyes form crescents behind the plastic corn. It drives Jaemin insane just how innocent he can look despite the obvious situation  _ he’s _ created. 

“But  _ Jaemin _ ,” Jeno starts to whine in mock petulance, twisting the corn in his hand. “I’m hungry  _ and you promised me food _ .”

When Jeno locks his triumphant gaze on him, wide smile and all, Jaemin begins to understand that Jeno’s idea of food is vastly different from his own.

Well, now, Jaemin wants to die and Jeno is the cause of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> drop me some jaemjen fic recs :D it will be much appreciated!


	6. you’re just impatient

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> whatever this is, Jeno doesn’t have a name for it. But what he does know is that he likes it, and so does Jaemin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> seriously feel free to drop me some jaemjen fic recs! I’m here for them!!

“Jaemin,  _ move. _ ”

“I am, you’re just impatient.”

Jeno huffs at that, proving Jaemin’s point. “I think you’re enjoying it more than I am.”

Jaemin slips in slowly, excruciatingly so. He’s teasing him, Jeno knows, yet he still feels overwhelmed by it. When Jaemin finally reaches all the way, Jeno has to hold his breath.

It’s too much.

Jaemin sets a brutal pace. It’s a slow, almost torturous, rhythm but that’s what Jeno likes about it—the feeling of pushing his limits, to see how long he can last without breaking. It’s an exhilarating rush. 

Peering up at Jaemin, Jeno notices the little things others don’t. Like how Jaemin has such long and pretty eyelashes when he closes his eyes, or how Jaemin furrows his brows when he’s concentrating hard. 

How the sweat that runs down his naked body follows every curve and dent, like an art piece. 

In and out.

_ In and out. _

Their breathing syncs and so does their movements, setting a languorous tempo in the background. 

Jeno knows Jaemin is at his limit too, with just how slow he’s been going at it. It’s a sweet torture for them both, but Jaemin’s never been patient to begin with.

When Jaemin finally buries himself completely inside him, Jeno lets go of the breath he’s been holding at last. They were never going to last long, and they both know it.

Reaching both arms around Jaemin’s neck, Jeno lifts himself up as Jaemin tries to steady them both, hands supporting Jeno’s back.

“We both played the game well,” Jeno breathes. He searches for Jaemin’s eyes through his newly dyed blue fringe, elusive as ever. “Now fuck me for real, Na Jaemin.”


	7. dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> if this is a dream, jaemin doesn't want to wake up
> 
> !! drug usage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmm i'm trying to make this a daily thing. let's see how it works out

Jaemin doesn’t know if this is a dream. Everything is hazy, and his body seems to float, flowing in the stream, in the breeze. Jeno lies next to him, eyes half open as he takes a drag of the blunt they’ve been passing around.

Is this part of the dream too? 

Jeno snuggles closer to him, his right leg intertwining with Jaemin’s left. The heat between them grows ever warmer despite the chill of an approaching winter. Though the night may be cold, Jaemin can safely say that the heat of their bodies are warm enough to stave it off.

Jeno takes another hit and splutters, coughing into the crook of his left elbow. Jaemin has an arm on his waist, moving along it in a soothing motion until Jeno recovers.

Except for the low drum of the washing machine in the background, and the light emitting from the dim fairy lights above, the room is quiet and dark.

Jaemin turns to face Jeno, bringing him close enough for their foreheads to touch. Their breaths mingle in the space between for a moment. 

It’s intimate, and that’s all Jaemin knows. 

Jeno’s eyes are cast downwards, and his lips are still red and swollen from before. Jaemin thumbs at it as Jeno lifts his gaze up, before leaning in.

The kiss is wet and sloppy, all heat and warmth. Jaemin doesn’t know how his tongue moves on its own accord, but it does, seeking for Jeno’s in his mouth. It’s wet, and it’s sloppy, and it’s all Jaemin knows.

When they finally break away for air, Jeno giggles a little, and his hand lies loosely in Jaemin’s grasp, grazing his thumb over it in a slow rhythm they know by heart.

If this is a dream, Jaemin never wants to wake up.


	8. an attractive stranger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jeno needs his fix. a na jaemin happens to be his dealer and well, jeno doesn't know where to begin.
> 
> !! references to drug usage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk if it was because of the last chapter, but the influx of kudos made me happy hehe
> 
> the title of this collection is starting to be less relevant as i upload more chapters but i hope you'll stick around! when i'm in the mood i'll write more lol

“Na Jaemin.”

The attractive stranger stretches his hand out in greeting. His smile is even more blinding than his sharp glowing eyes, but Jeno thinks he’s passed that already. 

There’s a dribble of crimson on his fingers, a little dry and crusty as Jeno shakes in greeting. 

It’s nothing unusual around this part of town—the bad side of town, as some of his relatives call it. Jeno would typically protest against it, but this stranger—this man—dries his throat up and kills the thoughts in his head.

Na Jaemin. A strange yet familiar name. Jeno can’t quite place a finger on it. But then again, do drug dealers give away their real names so easily?

Jeno shakes the useless thoughts away. It’s best to get this done and over with, or he might start drawing the wrong kind of attention, even in  _ this _ part of town.

They make their exchange in relative silence, but with the interested gaze this Na Jaemin has been eyeing him with since the start, Jeno can’t help but feel  _ something _ .

“Pleasure doing business with you.” Na Jaemin’s smile is charming, but his gaze is more sensual than Jeno thinks is appropriate.

Jeno gulps, and Jaemin’s eyes flit down to the movement. 

Na Jaemin’s eyes may be sharp, but when his teeth gleam bright under the blinking streetlamp, Jeno finds them to be even sharper.

“See you around, Lee Jeno.”

His parting words are like a punch to his stomach, knocking all the air out of Jeno. The devilish smile Jaemin wears burns a memory into him, and in time, Jeno will realise why. But for now, a single red flag waves incessantly at him from the back of his head.

Jeno doesn’t remember introducing himself.


	9. nine swords

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there's always fear and worry eating up the thoughts in jaemin's head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> today's chapter notes is brought to you by sleep well™ and if it's morning when you're reading this, have a nice day!!! if it's afternoon, then maybe... sleep well x2

“Look at me, Na Jaemin.”

Jeno’s forehead leans against Jaemin’s own. His eyes are wide with concern, but there’s also a purpose, an intent in his vulnerable gaze.

Jaemin brushes Jeno’s hair away from his head, sweaty fingers against sweaty skin, a reminder of where he is.

“I am.” Jaemin tries to reassure him, but Jeno is perceptive, too observant for his own sake. 

Clasping Jaemin’s hand with his own, Jeno whispers softly, the only colour that paints his monochromatic world.

“Why are you so far away, even though you’re right here?”

There are a multitude of reasons why. Their student loans, barely making ends meet each month, their disapproving friends and family.

He wishes things would change, he wishes so hard that it hurts to see reality at times. Even if Jaemin’s head lies above the clouds, everything will come crashing down eventually. There’s no use in escaping his problems. 

Jaemin doesn’t want to make the same mistake twice.

Jeno brings Jaemin back down as always, one arm on his head, cradling it gently in his hold. The tears that spill mirror the weather of his heart, heavy and dark. 

An endless wave crashes over them both.

Is it so wrong to love?

That night, they hold each other tighter than ever before. As if nine swords are hung over their heads, ready to drop at any moment, Jaemin sleeps but does not rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :( but also pls reverse it into a :)


	10. renjun might hate them for this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> getting caught in the rain is a lot more fun than jaemin would have thought

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys... remember the 'attractive stranger' drabble from a few chapters earlier? no? yes? doesn't matter i wrote the whole story!!
> 
> [link here :D](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24251500)

“You’re ridiculous!” Jeno laughs, not even bothering to hide his hysterical amusement. But it’s not just Jaemin who’s looking like a wet sock. And if Jaemin’s completely serious about this, Jeno looks more like a drowned dog than anything else.

“Shut up.” Jaemin shoves Jeno away with his elbow, but they both know his words have no real edge to them. He tosses a towel at Jeno, who barely manages to catch it in his fit of laughter. “Dry off before you catch a cold, dumbass.”

It’s not their fault that they got caught in the middle of a pouring rain, with no nearby shelter and no umbrella between the two of them. And when they came across a stray cat, Jeno insisted on finding some sort of cover for it before making their way home.

Jaemin shakes his head. But that’s why he loves Jeno.

“Give it to me. You suck at taking care of yourself, Jaemin.” 

Jeno takes the towel from Jaemin’s loose grasp and begins drying his hair for him, before a sharp intake of breath catches Jaemin’s attention. 

“We’re so fucking stupid.”

“What now?” Jaemin’s curious now.

Jeno strips his shirt and wow, Jaemin thinks he needs to work out more often if he doesn’t want to look like a mess next to Jeno.

The next thing he knows, Jeno is dragging him to the bathroom, a cheeky grin on his perfect face.

“Because we could be having a hot bath  _ together _ instead.”

The emphasis on ‘together’ has Jaemin choking on nothing, and he gives Jeno a meek (but really desperate) smile. When Jeno sheds the rest of his clothes, Jaemin has to centre himself before he does anything rash. Even when he’s feeling like the wet sock he is, his libido still rages on strong. The unfortunate curse (read: blessing) of being young. 

At least his roommates aren’t home. The last thing he wants to hear is Renjun yelling at him for having sex in their  _ shared _ bathtub.

Well, what he doesn’t know won’t kill him. Jaemin has never been too fond of rules anyway.

(“What the  _ fuck _ , Na Jaemin. Get the fuck out of my house and my life. Jeno seduces you for once and your head just stops working. You’re  _ weak _ ,” Renjun spits the last part out, jabbing an accusing finger at him.

Jaemin pleads with Renjun but he’ll have none of it.)


	11. island counter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so jeno's bent over the kitchen counter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was pure self-indulgence :)
> 
> (Edit: im gonna end this collection at 20 lol.. but I’ll have another one up)

All that’s between them is only sweat and slick, warm and salty as Jeno is bent over the kitchen island legs spread apart.

Behind him, Jaemin is working his way in, stretching Jeno open with his deft fingers, teasing him each chance he gets. It frustrates Jeno because no matter how much he wants to give in, to beg, he  _ won’t _ . He doesn’t want to give Jaemin any leverage to work with.

Jaemin hums a tune as he works, as if he’s preparing dinner for them and not preparing Jeno for sex. Jeno thinks it’s a weird habit to have—the way he’s kind of oblivious to the situation, but that’s what makes Jaemin endearing anyway.

Jeno’s about to slump onto the countertop in defeat when he feels something very much unlike Jaemin’s fingers finding its way in. It’s hot and broader, flatter… wetter. There’s also the fact that Jaemin’s nose is bumping against his ass.

“Jaemin!” Jeno squeaks. The realisation leaves him buckling in his knees as he tries to hold onto the edge for support.

When he looks over his shoulder, Jaemin has the audacity to wink at him after he pulls away, making a show of licking his lips.

“You taste good, Jen.”

Jeno doesn’t have the strength in him to retort, only being able to take in deep shaky breaths. It’s making him dizzy with anticipation, because Jaemin never disappoints. Another trait he likes but will take with him to the grave so as long as Jaemin keeps  _ this _ up.

He feels his cheeks being spread apart, wider. Then Jaemin’s kissing the insides again, licking over his opening like some kind of delicacy. Each swipe up leaves Jeno’s hole fluttering in anticipation and it’s all just so overwhelming. 

Jeno wants  _ more _ .

At Jeno’s restless whines and whimpers, Jaemin laughs, and all Jeno can feel is the vibration of it coursing through his body. The beginnings of a beg form at the tip of his tongue, but Jeno bites it down stubbornly.

Then Jaemin has one hand pressing down on Jeno’s back, pushing him further into the counter, and his resolve dissolves in an instant.

“Jaemin…” 

Jaemin doesn’t say anything, only humming in casual acknowledgement.

Jeno’s grip on the counter is turning loose as he breathes, “Jaemin, please.”

Yet again, Jaemin doesn’t respond. Jeno looks over once more, and he finds Jaemin looking up at him’ with a stupidly satisfied smile.

“I win this time, Jen.”

Jeno doesn’t have the energy to protest against it. And no matter how much he hates losing, it’s his fault for giving Jaemin so many openings.

“Fine,” Jeno concedes unwillingly. But his body is honest. Angling his hips higher up, he whispers, “You better make this worth it.”


	12. morning sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a solace in the darkest times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thinking of just compiling all the non-smut drabbles into a separate collection lol

The morning sun slips through the curtains, playing with shadows in the light. It’s peaceful, the way it’s just Jaemin and Jeno, no one else.

The metallic clinking of the wind chimes plays a soft tune in the breeze, bringing Jeno out of his dreams. Next to him, Jaemin is snuggled up close, one arm splayed across Jeno’s torso. Unchanging and constant, that’s what they are. A solace in the darkest times.

Jeno stares out the window, through the slit in the curtains. It’s bright, so bright. For once, his heart lightens up, no longer plagued by needless worries. 

Running a hand through Jaemin’s hair, it always manages to pleasantly surprise him with just how soft it is. Everything about Jaemin is soft. The way he speaks, the way he looks at others. Even his skin, Jeno muses as he presses his lips to Jaemin’s forehead.

Jeno doesn’t know why he feels like this, all sentimental and thoughtful suddenly. Hot tears prick at his eyes. He doesn’t know where they come from. 

His heart just feels so full, when he looks at Jaemin like this, sleeping without a care or worry in the world. It’s what he deserves.

To Jeno, Jaemin deserves the world and more, even if it means breaking his back in the process.

A rustle in the wind causes the wind chimes to dance in the breeze, playing a melody once more. Jaemin stirs at that, eyes opening to a teary-eyed Jeno. Jeno sees the emotions that flicker through his face, before coming to a stop at the soft smile he wears.

Jeno smiles back. He just loves Jaemin so damn much, even when he’s just smiling.  _ Especially _ when he’s smiling. It steals his breath away, even when everything feels like it will crumble with a single touch.

“What are you crying for, you big baby?”

And Jeno’s back down again, feeling the soft brush of Jaemin’s fingers against his cheek.

Even when Jaemin teases, he still looks up at Jeno in concern. 

Covering Jaemin’s hand with his own, Jeno exhales shakily. Jaemin’s right. Jeno knows it too.

“I’m not crying.”

And Jaemin smothers him in a bone-crushing hug. 

“Liar, but I’ll let it pass for now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont know why i like to hurt myself :')


	13. bad habit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jeno gets frisky while on the job

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> good morning, afternoon and evening to you! 
> 
> also im in the process of writing this really self-indulgent fic but i need to think about it more before posting it lol... there are um, religious elements involved

“Do you want us to get caught?” 

Jaemin glares at his partner, whose wide lazy smile he can picture even in the dark. 

Jeno tilts his head as if to say ‘no’ but Jaemin can tell from the way his grip on Jaemin’s thigh tightens that it’s a hard ‘yes’.

Gritting his teeth, Jaemin yanks Jeno hand away. There’s only so much he can do to control himself before they both end up in the back of a police car.

But if there’s anything Jaemin has learnt from his time with Jeno, it’s that whatever Jeno wants, Jeno gets. 

Jeno likes to chalk it up to his charm and smooth-talking, but Jaemin thinks it’s more of his face. It just goes to show how good looks can really take you anywhere.

Jeno replaces his hand on Jaemin’s thigh again, this time kneading at it purposefully as he leans in to nose along the side of Jaemin’s exposed neck. Jaemin’s breathing quickens when Jeno inches his hand closer, close enough to touch him where his pants were starting to strain but still just far enough to tease him with it.

Jaemin’s teeth might break with just how hard he’s been clenching them.

And really, he doesn’t want all that money spent on braces to go down the drain like that.

So he twists his body away and pins Jeno against the wall in an effort to hold him down. It might have worked a little too well. The response is not at all unexpected, Jaemin had anticipated it, but to this degree... not even Mark could have seen it coming, and _he's_ the one with all the information at the tip of his fingers.

He sees a shudder course through Jeno’s body, his darkening eyes flitting up to meet Jaemin’s in a come hither look. Like this was his plan all along.

Knowing Jeno, it could have been.

Jaemin is  _ this _ close to giving in. Jeno’s hands are already back on his body, sliding up and under his shirt, pulling him in till their bodies are flushed against each other. Jeno stuffs his face into the crook of Jaemin’s neck, inhaling his scent deeply before the wet of his tongue licks a long stripe up till just under his ear.

Fuck. 

When Jeno finally pulls away, Jaemin can see the pupils of his eyes all blown and dilated. He looks fucked out without even having done anything.

Jeno’s about to lean in again when the blare of police sirens cuts through, signalling their heist as a failure. Mark will never give them a job like this again.

But for now, this will have to do. Grabbing Jeno’s hands, they make a break for it. They’ll have to continue this sometime else.

“You have a bad habit, Jeno,” Jaemin pants once they’re on board the helicopter. Jisung has kindly ignored them both, turning the volume on his intercom with Mark to the max as they take flight. He’ll have to treat him to a meal for this, probably using Jeno’s money because  _ he’s  _ certainly not the one who got horny during a job.

Impervious as always, Jeno merely hums along his length in response, before swallowing it whole. And when Jaemin comes, he comes right into Jeno’s open mouth, which he promptly swallows as if it’s water and not come. But, to be fair, Jeno has an unhealthy interest in both.

_ Jeno has a bad habit. _

Jeno cocks his head to one side, wiping away whatever he didn’t catch with his mouth, eyes bursting with playful mirth. “And you’re the one feeding it, Nana.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome to the end of this chapter :P 
> 
> i have about a week to go before i run out of any time to write lmao


	14. train ride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there's only peace and tranquility when jeno sleeps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello :3 this one's short and sweet (hopefully)
> 
> in other news, i have written another pwp [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24320245)  
> (but if ur religious and it makes u uncomfortable, pls dont click!)

The train bumps along the tracks over the open salty air as the sun peeks out from behind the horizon. The sea waves crash onto the shore rhythmically, chasing away hungry birds and shrieking children.

It’s a fine morning, completely different from the cold dark night before.

The grasp Jeno has on his hand has loosened since, his hold now relaxed and more comfortable. It’s still a long way from their destination, so Jaemin lets Jeno sleep on.

Turning his gaze from the sea, Jaemin watches the peaceful and tranquil expression Jeno wears in his sleep. It’s beautiful, the way Jeno is finally able to rest without a single care or worry, head on Jaemin’s shoulder, bobbing along with the train ever so slightly.

The sun glows from behind Jeno’s head, wrapping around his head like a halo from the heavens. In a way, Jeno might just be an angel. 

Jaemin can’t help the soft smile that spreads across his face. Jeno can call him cheesy all he wants, but it’s only because it’s  _ Jeno _ that he’s cheesy. 

It’s cold despite the waking sun, so Jaemin snuggles closer, holding Jeno tighter. 

They might be miles away from home, Jaemin thinks, but it doesn’t matter at all.

Because Jeno will always be his final destination, and his forever home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> insert crying cat


	15. maybe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> maybe jeno's thinking too much about it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> weeeeeee wishing everyone a good day/night ahead!
> 
> i have an idea for a continuation (more like prequel) to the vampire fic i wrote. lets see where it takes me. also i would love to publish a new piece of work by the end of the next week... since im basically gonna have to peace out from june till ??? ( ;^;) lol idk my schedule

It’s just that—when Jaemin looks at him like he’s the sweetest person in the world, eyes full with adoration and, dare he say,  _ love,  _ Jeno doesn’t know what to do.

If his life was a film or a novel, Jeno thinks the plan that’s laid out for him would be easier to follow, and he wouldn’t need to think of anything but the words on the pages.

But his life isn’t a television drama, and Jeno hasn’t read a proper novel in years, so he keeps his gaze averted, staring at anything but Jaemin’s eyes. Even if the pink of his face betrays him, Jeno keeps his eyes down stubbornly.

Maybe Jeno’s being silly. His friends definitely think he is. (There’s no way Na Jaemin’s  _ not _ interested in you.)

Or maybe Jaemin is being too forward. Jeno’s friends don't think so. (If I were Jaemin, I would have kissed you at least three times by now.)

So when Jaemin does kiss him that day after supplementary lessons, Jeno flounders a bit, mouth gaping open like a fish out of water.

It takes a bit of coaxing from an unexpectedly bashful Jaemin for Jeno to stop seeing stars in front of him, and a lot more flustered apologies for Jeno to finally come to his senses, but somehow, he’s fine with it. It feels so stupid to have been worried over it for so long.

Maybe Jeno’s life is a movie. His friends like to tease him about it. (He kissed you just like that? Damn, it’s like we’re watching a teen drama.)

With all these maybe’s, there’s only one thing Jeno knows with absolute certainty—Jaemin likes him, and Jeno likes him back.


	16. another lesson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> their hectic schedules often don't leave them enough time for themselves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4 more to go! i have plans for a 2nd collection but it's gonna be strictly not explicit lol & some of the works here will go over there too so ppl who dont wanna read the smut can read in peace without sweating heheh
> 
> have a good day/night everyone ^^

“Calm down, Jaemin,” Jeno pants. “Why are you in a rush?”

Jaemin buries his head into the crook Jeno’s neck, inhaling the sweet and salty scent of fabric softener and sweat. He misses this. He misses being able to hug Jeno like this, squeezing the living daylights out of him. It’s been too long.

Jeno tries to pry away, but Jaemin has a strong grip on him, pinning him against the door to their dorms. 

“We have finally have time to ourselves, Jen. At least let me kiss you a bit.”

Jeno looks up at Jaemin in a mix of exasperation and want, he knows Jaemin won’t give up so easily. “Fine, do what you want.”

The kiss they share is nothing short of passionate, all tongue and teeth but sweet all the same. Jaemin doesn’t know how they do it, but Jeno is tugging him closer with his fingers curled up in Jaemin’s hair, and Jaemin has one hand supporting Jeno’s neck.

When it’s over, the glint in Jeno’s eyes tells him it’s really not. He has one hand snaking up under Jaemin’s shirt, the pull Jeno has always so magnetic.

“Kiss me harder, Na Jaemin. You’ve grown weak.”

Jaemin knows a challenge when he sees one.

Trailing kisses all the way to his earlobe, Jaemin nips at each delicate spot, teeth scraping against soft skin lightly. When he pulls away enough to gauge Jeno’s reaction, he’s met with a small teasing smirk.

Jeno may look like he’s unimpressed, but his heavy breathing betrays him. Jaemin feels the circles Jeno is drawing into the side of his waist, impatient despite his demeanour.

“Well then,” Jaemin concedes. 

He closes whatever space there was between them till all Jaemin can feel is how much Jeno wants him, and in turn, how much Jaemin wants Jeno too. 

“Looks like I need another lesson.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (◕‿◕✿)


	17. tug and push

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s a tug and push motion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay safe everyone! Please drink lots of water AND rinse your mouth after every meal pls!!! If there’s one quick advice I’d like to give it’s to rinse your mouth!!!!! 
> 
> It may seem insignificant but I promise you it’s not haha (•^•)

They crash against each other like waves against shore. It’s a tug and push motion, this strange energy between them.

Jeno has one arm over Jaemin’s shoulder, tugging him ever closer even as the warmth of the room hits an unbearable degree. Jaemin feels more than he hears the way Jeno exhales his name. It’s soft yet fervent, his hot breath fanning against Jaemin’s right cheek as he does so. 

The slide is painfully slow, a motion that surprises Jaemin because Jeno always likes things fast and hard. Both his hands are on Jeno’s hips, an attempt to hold him down, but Jeno is always two steps ahead of him in the game. It’s something Jaemin tends to forget after weeks of their packed schedules, too busy to meet up.

Jeno holds them both in his grasp, flicking his hands in time to the rhythm of their bodies, bucking his hips up to meet the first beat of every bar. Jaemin doesn’t have any strength left in him, all of it depleted the moment Jeno had decided it would be an excellent idea to seduce him backstage.

As Jeno approaches his climax, he begins to move faster, grinding his own against Jaemin’s. His tangible desire drips and leaks onto the floor obscenely as he pulls Jaemin in for a deep kiss.

There’s nothing special about this, Jaemin thinks. From the way their tongues move along each other to the little nips and licks along their lips, Jaemin has seen it all. Yet even as he chases his own climax, Jaemin can still feel the way Jeno pants his name, moaning into his mouth like it’s everything he needs. 

The only thing he needs.

When they part, Jeno’s hand is sticky with his want and their bodies both have remnants of their session trickling down idly. It’s hot and stuffy in the room, yet the space between them remains close.

It’s a tug and push motion, this strange connection between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D


	18. when we first met

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the first time they met

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soft fluff for the soul bc tmr :^) heheheh

The first time Jeno meets Jaemin, he isn’t sure if he’s met an angel or if his eyes were merely playing tricks on him. He adjusts his glasses, and sure enough, the boy with fluffy pink hair was still smiling at him from across the table. The tutor hits the space between them with the textbook in her hands, giving them both a look before walking to the next table.

“She’s fierce, isn’t she?” Jaemin whispers, one hand shielding the side of his mouth as he leans in like they’re conspirators. 

Jeno moves back instinctively, but his face is starting to flush, he knows.

“Y-yeah.”

Jaemin doesn’t make fun of him for it, for being shy. He just smiles like the angel he is and leaves it as that. 

The next time Jeno sees Jaemin again, he’s excited. It’s not that Jeno likes math. In fact, Jeno hates math more than anything else. But Jaemin seems happier when he sees him, and some part of Jeno meekly wishes it’s true.

They’re working on a particularly tough math problem in silence when the tutor announces she has to take a call outside. Jaemin slides in next to Jeno till he’s bumping shoulders with him. He has a pencil on the part he’s stuck on, whispering to Jeno for help. His pink fringe falls over his eyes as he reads the question again, and it takes Jeno all his strength to pry his eyes away from the way Jaemin’s lips from each syllable.

Jeno feels too close to Jaemin, but a part of him is fine with it.

When Jeno recounts this story to Jaemin, Jaemin merely smiles at him knowingly. There’s a light that dances in his eyes when he glances at Jeno, like there’s something he wants to share but isn’t.

And when Jeno presses him about it, Jaemin kisses him on the nose instead, causing Jeno to shove him off hurriedly, before the others catch them.

With one finger over his lips, Jaemin winks at him and whispers, “It’s a secret.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> insert me shooting out hearts from my eyes


	19. nothing without you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jeno has news for jaemin.
> 
> somewhat historical au? children of nobility
> 
> hey! i wrote more of this, you can find the full fic [here!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24691702)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1k words for the 2nd last chapter! wasn't sure if i wanted to publish it separately or in this collection... but here it is regardless haha
> 
> Also I wrote a prequel-ish thing for my vampire Jaemin fic [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24405283)

There’s a soft knock to Jaemin’s room. 

Without so much as an invitation to enter, the door opens anyway, bringing with it a loosely-clad Jeno, dressed in nothing but his nightwear as he closes the door behind him. If Jaemin didn’t notice the nervous fiddling of his clothes or the way Jeno’s eyes seem to skitter around the room, he might have thought Jeno was seducing him.

But he wouldn’t. Jaemin smiles wryly. Jeno wouldn’t because he’s always cautious. Always afraid.

Afraid of society finding out.

It would be a scandal, the last nail in the coffin for the Lee family’s name, and by extension of association, Jaemin’s family would be dragged through the mud with them as well.

“Jaemin.” Jeno’s voice is soft, almost hesitant. 

Jaemin glances up at his name, meeting eyes with an awkwardly shifting Jeno. He has a hand on the arm of the seat Jaemin is sitting on, leaning in just enough to break Jaemin’s personal bubble, yet too far away for Jaemin to gauge his intentions. 

Jeno parts his lips, and Jaemin’s eyes flicker down to it.

It’s too soft the first time around. Or perhaps Jaemin just didn’t want to believe it.

He blinks blankly. Jeno takes a deep breath.

“I’m getting married, Jaemin.”

The book Jaemin was reading drops to the floor with a loud thud, pages surely crumpled in the process. But it’s hardly a worry to him right now. The more Jaemin repeats those wretched words in his head, the more this garble of emotions pool below his chest, churning just above his stomach. 

Jaemin tightens his grip on the armchair, fingertips blanching so white it hurts.

Jeno’s getting married.

And it isn’t to Jaemin.

Jaemin’s face remains neutral, his eyes staring straight at Jeno even as his voice betrays him with the slightest of wobbles. 

“Congratulations,” he manages to croak out. But it’s too raw, too rough. The words aren’t his, and they both know it. 

Jeno shifts his position until he’s left standing in front of Jaemin, one knee leaning on the soft velvet of the seat, settling right between Jaemin. It’s too intimate. Too dangerous for them both. It’s a fine line that they thread, between reputation and desire.

When Jeno breathes, Jaemin can see the way his shoulders expand and contract, how his chest rises and falls rhythmically. 

There are tears pricking at his eyes when he finally locks gazes with Jeno.

“Is that all you have to say?” Jeno inquires softly. His eyes are no longer downcast or away, they meet Jaemin with an emotion that they both know all too well.

Before Jaemin could breathe a word, Jeno shucks his nightwear off, bare back facing the yellow glow of the fireplace. His eyes are trained on Jaemin, an unwavering gaze that Jaemin misses so dearly.

When he closes his eyes, Jaemin feels the wet trails that his tears leave behind, trickling down his chin as Jeno’s warm hands cup his face tenderly. Everything feels too warm, too stuffy. 

Too dangerous.

_ Play with fire and you might get burned. _

Jaemin doesn’t know how it happens, but he finds his arms on Jeno’s naked back, fingernails digging in so hard he’s certain it will leave crescent-shaped welts behind. The space between them closes until all Jaemin can feel is Jeno’s hot breath against his face and the heat emitting from their bodies.

Jeno kisses him first, pressing their lips together so desperately Jaemin is thrown back to the first time they did, hidden behind the horse stable as their maids called for them. The grip Jeno has on him feels the same, tight and restless as he begins opening his mouth in invitation. It’s all wet and heat, messy yet perfect. The way their lips mould together is unlike any other.

Nothing will ever surpass Jeno.

_ Nothing. _

When Jeno pulls away to breathe, Jaemin moves one hand down his back, drawing it all the way to the base where he pulls Jeno so that he no longer leans awkwardly but sits. 

This is how things should be, Jaemin with Jeno, and Jeno with Jaemin, but matters of the heart are complicated.

Society will never accept them.

Jeno’s gaze is downcast and plays with the loose collar of Jaemin’s shirt, fingers moving deftly along the line of buttons until it all comes undone, hanging loosely by the side. 

Jaemin reaches those hands, worn and calloused from the hard labour he’s been through since the fall of the Lee family from high society. Each knuckle is given a kiss, as slow and sweet as he can give without choking up from all the emotions that brew in his chest. 

When Jaemin glances up at Jeno, he finds his face glistening with fresh tears. He hates this. He hates this so much.

Wordlessly, Jeno pulls Jaemin’s night blouse off, pressing soft kisses along his neck until all Jaemin can hear is their harsh breathing mingling between them, unable to part. 

When Jaemin finally has the courage to ask, he touches one palm to Jeno’s chest, feeling the thump of his heartbeat against his hand.

“Who?”

Jeno mirrors him, dragging his hand down to Jaemin’s chest. His heart beats wildly despite his composure. But Jeno is the same as well.

They are two halves of a whole.

Yet no one will ever know.

“A daughter from a noble family. An arranged marriage.”

There’s no love in his words, only hurt and sorrow when Jaemin hears it over the crackle of flames in the background.

Even if Jeno doesn’t say it, Jaemin knows the reason. The Lees need money to climb back into society. And though Jaemin has more than enough to spare, they will always be too prideful to ask for it.

Society is a game of chess, in which the children are the pawns and wealth is the ultimate king.

Jeno is but another pawn, his fate in this life predetermined in this cruel match.

The warm glow of the fireplace casts shadows over Jeno’s features, softening many of his edges that have roughened with time. In this light, he almost looks like a young boy again.

But the darkness accentuates everything else, and in this state, Jaemin sees the frightened child in him, clasping onto Jaemin desperately as if he’ll disappear if he doesn’t do so.

Jeno leans in until they’re chest to chest, heart to heart. The words ghost over his ears. A phantom from his most feverish of dreams.

“I love you.”

And Jaemin loves him.

But it was never meant to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hurt myself writing this :')


	20. here in your arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> maybe there's an end to all things, 
> 
> but this, this is only the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (;^;) ah, well folks, here we are. the final chapter to this collection. i fully intend to create another collection to house my other works but for now this is it. 
> 
> i created this drabble collection because i wanted to satiate my bottom jeno needs but it kinda spiralled into anything and everything in between. so this is a bit of a mess but hey! it's my mess LOL
> 
> thanks to everyone who has ever left a comment, i really enjoy reading them! i'll remember yall haha  
> and also those who kudo'd and bookmarked this mess of a collection, i love u too <3

If there’s one thing Jaemin ever needed, he thinks it’s right here with him right now.

Jeno spins on the spot, balancing himself steadily when he lands. The low bass of the music goes on in the background, a familiar rhythm between the two of them. 

Without missing a beat, Jeno gets into formation, one hand perched on Jaemin’s shoulder. They move in tandem, dancing sensually to the slow tempo. 

Though Jaemin knows their moves are choreographed, the look in Jeno’s eyes aren’t. His gaze is dark and intense, never once breaking contact as they maneuver around each other in polished steps. When Jaemin glances at the mirror, he realises he looks the same too.

It’s 2am in the morning. There’s no one else in the practice room but them. And as far as Jaemin is concerned, there’s no one else in the world except for them.

It’s quiet, yet at the same time, so very loud.

Jaemin hears Jeno’s heartbeat as he lays his head against his chest, which goes in and out at the slowing tempo. Both of them are sticky with sweat, but neither of them have the energy to wipe it off.

The corridor outside of the room is dark, lit up only by the glow of the emergency exit signs. In a way, it reminds Jaemin of their sleepless nights gazing into the clear dark skies, when Jeno was still Jeno and Jaemin was just Jaemin.

When the last song in the playlist ends, Jaemin finally gathers the strength to stand, reaching a hand out for Jeno to grab onto.

Jeno looks at him for a moment, an indecipherable expression on his face, framed by his ever lengthening dyed-blond hair, before murmuring a small ‘thank you’ and grasping onto Jaemin.

These nights are dark, but not lonely.

Jaemin flips the switch and closes the door. His hand is on the small of Jeno’s back, leading him out. A pair of mismatched steps causes Jeno to lose his balance and Jaemin laughs, pulling him up, flushed against him with both arms on his waist.

Despite himself, Jeno falls into laughter with Jaemin, a huge grin on his silly face. They gaze at each other in adoration, two pieces of a whole. And in that moment, time stood still for just them two.

Jeno leans in and Jaemin follows after, a soft smile playing on his lips even as they meet in the middle.

These nights are dark, but not lonely.

Because there’s only one thing Jaemin ever needs.

And it’s right here in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for sticking around this long and making it all the way through with me ;-;  
> i'll probably (big maybe) post some other fics while i'm still free.
> 
> [my twt](https://twitter.com/myhopeandangel): just know that it exist if u ever want to know if im still alive


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